TEENAGERS – A Rough Guide
By Angela .E.
Rudderham
To many the teen years seem the most
challenging time in a child’s life for a parent. If you have a teenager who
listens to you, respects you, is positive and a joy to have around; then stop reading
as this article is not for you. This would be a guide for the other 99% of
parents of teenagers who are trying to keep their sanity. These are the toughest years for so many
reasons. Parents are often trying to set boundaries and limitations to keep
their child safe and on the path to the future they imagined for them. A
teenager (by natural design) is trying to gain independence, to explore beyond
the boundaries and test out the possibilities for the future they will choose
for themselves. These are two opposing objectives, it’s no wonder there is so
much conflict or strain. These experiences can cause a parent to second guess
themselves. I will attempt to provide some answers to commonly asked questions
I hear from parents of teenagers.
Is it okay for me to
be my teenager’s friend? No. It is
not your role. They still need a parent. They need someone to show them the
connection of their actions to the consequences they experience. This area of
their brain is not fully developed yet. They are still learning and while they
are, they need a moral compass, a coach, an executive assistant to keep them on
time and on task and someone in charge to help them accept the responsibility
of their actions and make better choices next time. Without a parent in charge
all the responsibility falls to the child. This is too fast a transition from
childhood to adulthood and can overwhelm the teenager. The easiest road for a
parent is to be a friend but it should be about what the child needs not what
makes the parent feel better. The reward for not being “the friend” during
their teens is that they feel safe and you will have their respect and a true
friendship throughout their adult life. Does this mean you don’t enjoy or do
fun things together now? Of course not, but if you are into the role of a
parent you have to accept that you won’t be their most favorite person every
day and it’s okay if today they don’t like you.
Isn’t it okay they drink, or smoke up as long as I
know where they are? Really? When we
claim we want nothing but the best for our child and we end up settling for this,
isn’t that a contradiction? Is the best scenario that they break the law and
place themselves at risk and know you approve? To me this reeks of someone who has given up,
doesn’t know where else to turn or what else to try and that happens to the
best of us. I believe if parents weren’t shamed when they admit they don’t know
what to do or if help was readily available to them this would be a less common
resort. Before this becomes the reality
seek out help and alternative suggestions.
Should I be creeping
their Facebook or reading their texts? Yes.
Do you pay the internet and cell phone charges? How many murders,
molestations kidnappings and suicides could have been prevented from a little
creeping and looking into who your child is really talking to and what they are
saying? And okay so you trust your angel with all your heart and they never
gave you reason to doubt them, do you trust everyone else who may find a way to
manipulate them or deceive them?
Parents of
teens have the toughest job; it’s a difficult transition for both the parent
and the child. There should be no shame in admitting this. It is supposed to be
this way. When faced with a challenging decision, forget about what is easiest
or what creates the least friction or what will make you a more popular parent,
ask one question, “What is in my child’s best interest?”
