Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Friday, 28 October 2011
The crumpled paper
A student recently shared a great analogy for bullying and it's impact, which we wanted to share with you. Imagine a crisp, white piece of paper. This represents the person who has never been bullied. Now crumple the paper. The creases and folds represent hurtful words of the bully. No matter how hard you try, you can't undo those folds. It's the same with hurtful words - once said, you can't take them back or undo the damage, or creases, you leave behind.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Helping learning-disabled children by ending bullying
Occasionally, we'll share stories from around the world that focus on learning, disabilities, social skills and other challenges students and adults face in the world. This is a terrific commentary by a mother about a new initiative that is starting in Missouri, which aims to end bullying by raising awarness of disabilities.
Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/news/opinion/article_81b9a207-d3b6-531c-af86-19c911b3a034.html#ixzz1a6j4VH1B
"What is wrong with you?" "Can't you read this?" "Focus." "Stop disturbing others at your table with questions." "Let's not hang out with him anymore." "He's weird."
For a child with a learning disability, attention deficit disorder or other disabilities, these statements are a daily mantra invading their lives from peers, teachers and parents. Our lack of understanding and patience with these disabilities affects their self-esteem, their friendships and their education. Our news is filled with tragic stories of young people taking their lives after being bullied. Many of those children were different and struggled in the classroom and social settings.
Their differences made them a target of the majority who did not identify with them or preyed on their unusual nature. Children taunting children to death. Bullying requires immediate intervention with education being a key element to changing the behavior. To stop the taunting, children must empathize with their target. For the bystander to move from watching to intervening, he must feel empowered to stand up for what is right. This problem must be addressed at home and in the schools.
Missouri has taken steps for schools to stop the bullying by declaring October "Disability History and Awareness Month." Missouri law requires each school district to provide instruction on the history of the disability rights movement and contributions of disabled persons. Schools must now create educational cultures that nurture safe and inclusive environments for students with disabilities in which bullying is discouraged and respect and appreciation for students with disabilities is encouraged. Moreover, teaching that disabilities are a natural part of the human experience; we are all more alike than different.
To be successful, families have to be educated too so the conversation continues at home. Schools need to update parents on the curriculum being taught during this month so we can further discuss at the family table the history of the American with Disabilities Act or the guest speaker who came in to share how she became successful in spite of personal challenges. We have many conversations at our home about disabilities as our oldest has dyslexia (a disorder that affects reading, spelling, writing and comprehension).
While he attended public school, the transition from learning to read to reading to learn proved very challenging for him. He could not read out loud without skipping around the page, missing words or full sentences. We asked that he not be required to read out loud as the kids teased him and he was embarrassed. We were advised it was good for him to practice out loud.
Further, when we asked that his teacher review his homework notebook before and after school to ensure he wrote things down correctly, we were advised he needed to be more responsible and suggested he have a peer review his work. The humiliation was too much. So, we moved him to Churchill Center & School, a school that understands how disabilities impact the whole child and whose curriculum fully encompasses disability awareness and self advocacy.
Bullying a disabled child can be very subtle. When kids would say "why can't you read" or he was forced to read in front of the class, it felt like bullying. But, empowering him through education that Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein were learning disabled inspired him to believe he could be somebody and his disabilities did not limit him.
When he visited websites such as "Disabled World" and watched inspiring videos about those whose disabilities did not limit their possibilities, it inspired him to go for his dreams. When we learn that prior to the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 disabled persons were forced to attend separate schools, received no accommodations for physical disabilities on pubic transportation or housing and discovered there were no protections in the work place, it creates empathy and emphasized the importance of basic civil rights.
Our children need to be exposed to the challenges their peers face who sit right next to them in the classroom. My son's disability cannot be seen in his physical appearance. And, you would not know he struggles in school by talking with him. But having his individual needs met and being at a school where his disability is openly discussed, embraced and supported, his self confidence has grown and he has learned to ask for what he needs when he is struggling.
I am hopeful this new curriculum will teach all of Missouri's children in public schools how the history and awareness of disabilities requires us to end the discrimination and bullying that frequents our hallways for disabled kids. And that such education will continue the conversation at home.
Patricia Harrison is an assistant clinical professor of law at St. Louis University School of Law.
For a child with a learning disability, attention deficit disorder or other disabilities, these statements are a daily mantra invading their lives from peers, teachers and parents. Our lack of understanding and patience with these disabilities affects their self-esteem, their friendships and their education. Our news is filled with tragic stories of young people taking their lives after being bullied. Many of those children were different and struggled in the classroom and social settings.
Their differences made them a target of the majority who did not identify with them or preyed on their unusual nature. Children taunting children to death. Bullying requires immediate intervention with education being a key element to changing the behavior. To stop the taunting, children must empathize with their target. For the bystander to move from watching to intervening, he must feel empowered to stand up for what is right. This problem must be addressed at home and in the schools.
Missouri has taken steps for schools to stop the bullying by declaring October "Disability History and Awareness Month." Missouri law requires each school district to provide instruction on the history of the disability rights movement and contributions of disabled persons. Schools must now create educational cultures that nurture safe and inclusive environments for students with disabilities in which bullying is discouraged and respect and appreciation for students with disabilities is encouraged. Moreover, teaching that disabilities are a natural part of the human experience; we are all more alike than different.
To be successful, families have to be educated too so the conversation continues at home. Schools need to update parents on the curriculum being taught during this month so we can further discuss at the family table the history of the American with Disabilities Act or the guest speaker who came in to share how she became successful in spite of personal challenges. We have many conversations at our home about disabilities as our oldest has dyslexia (a disorder that affects reading, spelling, writing and comprehension).
While he attended public school, the transition from learning to read to reading to learn proved very challenging for him. He could not read out loud without skipping around the page, missing words or full sentences. We asked that he not be required to read out loud as the kids teased him and he was embarrassed. We were advised it was good for him to practice out loud.
Further, when we asked that his teacher review his homework notebook before and after school to ensure he wrote things down correctly, we were advised he needed to be more responsible and suggested he have a peer review his work. The humiliation was too much. So, we moved him to Churchill Center & School, a school that understands how disabilities impact the whole child and whose curriculum fully encompasses disability awareness and self advocacy.
Bullying a disabled child can be very subtle. When kids would say "why can't you read" or he was forced to read in front of the class, it felt like bullying. But, empowering him through education that Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein were learning disabled inspired him to believe he could be somebody and his disabilities did not limit him.
When he visited websites such as "Disabled World" and watched inspiring videos about those whose disabilities did not limit their possibilities, it inspired him to go for his dreams. When we learn that prior to the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 disabled persons were forced to attend separate schools, received no accommodations for physical disabilities on pubic transportation or housing and discovered there were no protections in the work place, it creates empathy and emphasized the importance of basic civil rights.
Our children need to be exposed to the challenges their peers face who sit right next to them in the classroom. My son's disability cannot be seen in his physical appearance. And, you would not know he struggles in school by talking with him. But having his individual needs met and being at a school where his disability is openly discussed, embraced and supported, his self confidence has grown and he has learned to ask for what he needs when he is struggling.
I am hopeful this new curriculum will teach all of Missouri's children in public schools how the history and awareness of disabilities requires us to end the discrimination and bullying that frequents our hallways for disabled kids. And that such education will continue the conversation at home.
Patricia Harrison is an assistant clinical professor of law at St. Louis University School of Law.
Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/news/opinion/article_81b9a207-d3b6-531c-af86-19c911b3a034.html#ixzz1a6j4VH1B
Thursday, 8 September 2011
How to help your child deal with bullies
Today is Stand Up Against Bullying Day in Nova Scotia. While students across the province will be wearing pink as a sign of unity, the reality is that bullying is still taking place. This seems like the perfect time to share a bit of advice on how to support a child who is being bullied.
By Angela Rudderham, Director of Turning Tides Community Outreach
For a child who is bullied, there are a plethora of emotions they are left to struggle with; fear, embarrassment, helplessness, rejection and worthlessness are just a few. These are real emotions that can lead to serious stress-related health problems. Our children deserve our protection, but we often excuse these experiences as a part of growing up. I would argue that these experiences are not a necessary part of growing up; families, schools and communities could be making the eradication of bulling behaviours a higher priority than it currently is. I believe the lack of action is because we are at a loss of what we can do both for the bully and the bullied.
Developing our ability to recognize bullying is key, both at home and at school. Most of us know that bullies can attack their victims physically by punching, kicking, restraining, spitting and so on. But there is the lesser known form of emotional bullying, which is harder to identify. This can take the form of insults, rumours, slander, threats, exclusion, name-calling and so on. This form of bullying leaves lasting invisible scars on the victim and changes who they are and who they become.
Recognizing the signs, at home or in school, that someone is being rejected, targeted or isolated can be very challenging. Parents may see a change in behaviour such as mood swings, outbursts, depressed demeanour or reports of feeling too sick to go to school. The victim may be so embarrassed that they act as if they are having the time of their life or that nothing is wrong.
Parents can do their part by talking to their children about their social life. Often times we ask our children how their day was and they will reply with the typical “fine”. If you want a specific answer from your child ask a specific question, such as, “Who did you eat lunch with today?”, “Did you sit with anyone on the bus?” If your child discloses social difficulties to you, say as little as possible. Listen first. Avoid judgement by saying things like, “You should have never hung out with those kids in the first place.” Don’t support victimized thinking through statements like, “You poor thing, this is so unfair.” Instead ask questions such as, “How are you dealing with this?”, “Do you have a plan?”
Help your child be proactive, and identify why they have become a target. Are there circumstances within their control that they can change or do? Sometimes bullies will target an individual that stands out and sometimes the reason is not clear. Teach the bullied child to problem solve. Help the victim identify three possible plans of action and then the worst possible outcome for all three plans. What possible outcome will they be able to live with? This will become their plan of action. Does the child need help with their social skills, hygiene, weight, appearance or grades? Perhaps it is a matter of getting the victim help for dealing with a senseless rejection. In any case, ignoring the problem will not lead to a solution.
In school, the bullied child may show externalizing behaviours such as; outbursts, fights or a poor attitude, each as a result of the frustration they feel. The victim may also develop internalizing behaviours such as withdrawal, a slip in grades, increased absences or self harm. School personnel should be trained in identifying the signs and encouraged by their administrators to follow through in the reporting process. Every school should have procedures and policies in place to deal with situations surrounding bullying. An extra effort to communicate these policies to all parents, students and staff should be taken. Students will only regard these policies as seriously as school personnel take them. If we throw our hands up and say there is nothing the school can do, then the message we are sending is that we have lost control of our student’s behaviour and we are not concerned.
Parents can ask schools about their policies surrounding bullying issues and schools can keep the lines of communication open with parents. When parents and school work together and support each other, change comes sooner rather than later.
Need more advice on what to do about bullies? Contact Angela Rudderham at 902-404-TIDE (8433).
By Angela Rudderham, Director of Turning Tides Community Outreach
For a child who is bullied, there are a plethora of emotions they are left to struggle with; fear, embarrassment, helplessness, rejection and worthlessness are just a few. These are real emotions that can lead to serious stress-related health problems. Our children deserve our protection, but we often excuse these experiences as a part of growing up. I would argue that these experiences are not a necessary part of growing up; families, schools and communities could be making the eradication of bulling behaviours a higher priority than it currently is. I believe the lack of action is because we are at a loss of what we can do both for the bully and the bullied.
Developing our ability to recognize bullying is key, both at home and at school. Most of us know that bullies can attack their victims physically by punching, kicking, restraining, spitting and so on. But there is the lesser known form of emotional bullying, which is harder to identify. This can take the form of insults, rumours, slander, threats, exclusion, name-calling and so on. This form of bullying leaves lasting invisible scars on the victim and changes who they are and who they become.
Recognizing the signs, at home or in school, that someone is being rejected, targeted or isolated can be very challenging. Parents may see a change in behaviour such as mood swings, outbursts, depressed demeanour or reports of feeling too sick to go to school. The victim may be so embarrassed that they act as if they are having the time of their life or that nothing is wrong.
Parents can do their part by talking to their children about their social life. Often times we ask our children how their day was and they will reply with the typical “fine”. If you want a specific answer from your child ask a specific question, such as, “Who did you eat lunch with today?”, “Did you sit with anyone on the bus?” If your child discloses social difficulties to you, say as little as possible. Listen first. Avoid judgement by saying things like, “You should have never hung out with those kids in the first place.” Don’t support victimized thinking through statements like, “You poor thing, this is so unfair.” Instead ask questions such as, “How are you dealing with this?”, “Do you have a plan?”
Help your child be proactive, and identify why they have become a target. Are there circumstances within their control that they can change or do? Sometimes bullies will target an individual that stands out and sometimes the reason is not clear. Teach the bullied child to problem solve. Help the victim identify three possible plans of action and then the worst possible outcome for all three plans. What possible outcome will they be able to live with? This will become their plan of action. Does the child need help with their social skills, hygiene, weight, appearance or grades? Perhaps it is a matter of getting the victim help for dealing with a senseless rejection. In any case, ignoring the problem will not lead to a solution.
In school, the bullied child may show externalizing behaviours such as; outbursts, fights or a poor attitude, each as a result of the frustration they feel. The victim may also develop internalizing behaviours such as withdrawal, a slip in grades, increased absences or self harm. School personnel should be trained in identifying the signs and encouraged by their administrators to follow through in the reporting process. Every school should have procedures and policies in place to deal with situations surrounding bullying. An extra effort to communicate these policies to all parents, students and staff should be taken. Students will only regard these policies as seriously as school personnel take them. If we throw our hands up and say there is nothing the school can do, then the message we are sending is that we have lost control of our student’s behaviour and we are not concerned.
Parents can ask schools about their policies surrounding bullying issues and schools can keep the lines of communication open with parents. When parents and school work together and support each other, change comes sooner rather than later.
Need more advice on what to do about bullies? Contact Angela Rudderham at 902-404-TIDE (8433).
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