One thing I know for sure is that every
good parent wants their child to be happy.
I also know that children who are rejected by their peers have a very
difficult time finding happiness. They dread going to school with fears running
through their minds, “I’ll probably
be picked last in gym again and I’ll hide out in the washroom during lunch to
avoid getting teased.” Or “My teacher hates me, she never sees what anyone does
to me, and she seems to only catch me when I defend myself!” With these very real concerns who can
concentrate on academics?
I hear these concerns everyday from new
students who start our program at Bridgeway, a school for students with
learning disabilities. Learning disabilities or LD’s, can contribute to varying social difficulties
that can play a huge factor in a student’s daily life that many of us may not
fully understand. A student with a
non-verbal learning disability (NLD), for example, may not be able to interpret
non-verbal communication such as understanding what facial expressions mean (interpretation),
how close to stand to someone when speaking with them (proxemtics), or how
their body language is being interpreted by others (perception). In some cases
a student may even misunderstand the emotional attachment to words (distortion). Since
the experts tell us that at least 75% of our communication is delivered though
non-verbal communication this tells us that these students are missing out on a
great deal of information regarding themselves and others. Imagine the social ramifications of not receiving the message that the
person you are speaking with is no longer interested in speaking with you. Or maybe the group that has surrounded you to
compliment your new clothes is actually laughing at you.
We also have students with attention
deficit disorder. One area a student with ADHD - combined type may struggle with is impulsivity. This means
that as soon as the child has an impulse they may act on it before their brain
has had time to consider things like rules, the feelings of others, or the
outcome of their actions. The student with ADHD may grab things before asking,
break rules repeatedly, or even swing at someone who accidentally stepped on
their toes in a line–up. Adults who are under-informed regarding ADHD may scold
or punish these children, causing even more feelings of rejection. Students
with language processing deficits, measurable cognitive limitations, complex
learning disorders and hyperactivity are more likely to experience social
deficits.
When students first arrive at Bridgeway,
they are shocked to find out how different their experience is at our school.
We train our staff to understand how
a student’s learning disability or ADD directly affects their relationships
with others. In our program we focus on what can be done to help students learn
the skills necessary to engage socially.
Just like the skills that accompany hockey, social skills can be broken
down and taught, practiced and reinforced to create skill acquisition and
generalization.
Sending your child to their room or taking
away their favorite toy for socially unacceptable behaviors just doesn’t work.
You wouldn’t teach spelling by asking your child to spell a new word and then
punishing them when they misspell it. Instead, you would provide them with the
correct spelling and have them practice it until it becomes routine. This strategy
will work for your child’s social mistakes as well. When your child chooses a
socially unacceptable behavior immediately find a private place to rehearse the
socially appropriate behavior. Model it for them, have the child practice it;
provide positive feedback concentrating on the cause and effect of the
desirable and undesirable behavior. Look for numerous opportunities in public
or on TV where you can show your child someone else using the correct behavior.
Remember to keep it light and very positive. Make a game out of it! Don’t worry
with a little invested time you can find an abundance of information out there
for assisting your child with their social deficits. Check out your local library or online search
engines. Understanding will create the ‘Bridgeway
for Change’
Angela is a behaviour and social skills specialist who has developed social skills and behaviour programs for students at Bridgeway Academy. Through Turning Tides Community Outreach, she is now offering social skills programs for all youth, as well as support workshops for parents, teachers and other professionals. For more information or advice, please give Angela a call at 902-404-TIDE (8433).
