Is your child's LD affecting their social skills?

By Angela Rudderham, Director of Turning Tides Community Outreach

One thing I know for sure is that every good parent wants their child to be happy.  I also know that children who are rejected by their peers have a very difficult time finding happiness. They dread going to school with fears running through their minds, “I’ll probably be picked last in gym again and I’ll hide out in the washroom during lunch to avoid getting teased.” Or “My teacher hates me, she never sees what anyone does to me, and she seems to only catch me when I defend myself!”  With these very real concerns who can concentrate on academics? 

I hear these concerns everyday from new students who start our program at Bridgeway, a school for students with learning disabilities. Learning disabilities or LD’s,  can contribute to varying social difficulties that can play a huge factor in a student’s daily life that many of us may not fully understand.  A student with a non-verbal learning disability (NLD), for example, may not be able to interpret non-verbal communication such as understanding what facial expressions mean (interpretation), how close to stand to someone when speaking with them (proxemtics), or how their body language is being interpreted by others (perception). In some cases a student may even misunderstand the emotional attachment to words (distortion).  Since the experts tell us that at least 75% of our communication is delivered though non-verbal communication this tells us that these students are missing out on a great deal of information regarding themselves and others. Imagine the social ramifications of not receiving the message that the person you are speaking with is no longer interested in speaking with you.  Or maybe the group that has surrounded you to compliment your new clothes is actually laughing at you. 

We also have students with attention deficit disorder. One area a student with ADHD - combined type  may struggle with is impulsivity. This means that as soon as the child has an impulse they may act on it before their brain has had time to consider things like rules, the feelings of others, or the outcome of their actions. The student with ADHD may grab things before asking, break rules repeatedly, or even swing at someone who accidentally stepped on their toes in a line–up. Adults who are under-informed regarding ADHD may scold or punish these children, causing even more feelings of rejection. Students with language processing deficits, measurable cognitive limitations, complex learning disorders and hyperactivity are more likely to experience social deficits.

When students first arrive at Bridgeway, they are shocked to find out how different their experience is at our school. We train our staff to understand how a student’s learning disability or ADD directly affects their relationships with others. In our program we focus on what can be done to help students learn the skills necessary to engage socially.  Just like the skills that accompany hockey, social skills can be broken down and taught, practiced and reinforced to create skill acquisition and generalization.

Sending your child to their room or taking away their favorite toy for socially unacceptable behaviors just doesn’t work. You wouldn’t teach spelling by asking your child to spell a new word and then punishing them when they misspell it. Instead, you would provide them with the correct spelling and have them practice it until it becomes routine. This strategy will work for your child’s social mistakes as well. When your child chooses a socially unacceptable behavior immediately find a private place to rehearse the socially appropriate behavior. Model it for them, have the child practice it; provide positive feedback concentrating on the cause and effect of the desirable and undesirable behavior. Look for numerous opportunities in public or on TV where you can show your child someone else using the correct behavior. Remember to keep it light and very positive. Make a game out of it! Don’t worry with a little invested time you can find an abundance of information out there for assisting your child with their social deficits.  Check out your local library or online search engines. Understanding will create the ‘Bridgeway for Change’

Angela is a behaviour and social skills specialist who has developed social skills and behaviour programs for students at Bridgeway Academy.  Through Turning Tides Community Outreach, she is now offering social skills programs for all youth, as well as support workshops for parents, teachers and other professionals. For more information or advice, please give Angela a call at 902-404-TIDE (8433).