Don't blame the parents - or the kids!

There was a time when challenging behaviour in children was linked to poor parenting. There was a belief that behaviours due to passive, permissive, inconsistent or non-contingent parenting (no consequences). In other words, because of poor parenting, kids learned that challenging behaviour is an effective means of getting something, or escaping or avoiding something. But now that we know that challenging behaviours happen when the cognitive demands being placed on the child outstrip his/her capacity to respond adaptively, we know that our parenting isn't to blame. Finally, one less thing to feel guilty about!

So now that we know why, what should we do about it? Here's a little bit more context and Dr. Ross Greene's solution - Collaborative Problem Solving.

RhondaSo we've figured out that lagging cognitive skills are the root of challenging behaviours, and challenging behaviours emerge when the lack of skills clashes with the demands of the environment. If the skills are there - no behaviour. If the skills aren't there, but there's no demand either - no behaviour. No skills and demand - challenging behaviour. That's pretty straightforward. But how do we fix it? That's the question that had me squirming in my seat at last week's presentation by Dr. Greene.

But he had a bit more information to share first. (And yes, it's another mantra!) Incompatibility episodes cannot be viewed outside the context of development. The goal of intervention is to move development forward. Cognitive skills don't develop equally - we have neuroscience to prove it - but they can be developed with intervention. But we have to start where the child is now to get to the endpoint. (In other words, it's not the child's fault their brain developed differently!)

OK, we're almost ready for the how, but not quite yet. Let's answer the last question - the one I mentioned wasn't as important as the rest - What do challenging kids do when they're challenging? Basically, there are a variety of challenging behaviours when the clash of forces occurs, distinguished primarly by their severity. That could be anything from whining and sulking to head banging, cutting, or suicide - and everything in between. All the things humans do in response to unsolved problems. Dr. Greene calls those behaviours The Spectrum of Looking Bad. We all look bad when our skills are outstripped by the demand placed upon us, it's just a matter of degree. Don't forget - the behaviour itself is less important than the reasons for the behaviour.

OK, so the how. I can't explain it all today (yep, you guessed it, another blog posting is coming your way!). Dr. Greene calls his approach to helping challenging kids collaborative problem solving. Sounds straightforward - working together to solve problems. But it's a little more detailed than that, and relies on the adults to take a proactive approach rather than a reactive approach. Details tomorrow, but here are the general goals of the approach:

Lenses come first
- make sure that caregivers understand why incompatibility episodes occur (lagging skills and demand for those skills).

Get organized
- identify the specific situations in which incompatibility episodes occur (unsolved problems)
- create mechanisms for communication, continuity and proactive intervention.

Get busy
- solve problems and teach skills,

Tomorrow, a bit more info on assessing lagging skills and unsolved problems.

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.