Plan B - Or solving unsolved problems together

Finally, we're at the meat of  Dr. Greene's presentation - helping challenging kids to be less challenging. I'm sorry to have been so long-winded on this one, but wanted to share the information I have learned. I'm going to tie Dr. Greene's approach to Bridgeway and Turning Tide's approach soon, but first I wanted to get into some detail on Plan B. I can't cover it all, so if you're interested in learning more, please check out Dr. Greene's website or pick up his books - The Explosive Child and Lost at School.

Rhonda

Plan B is the collaborative problem solving approach I mentioned a few days ago, and is the recommended approach to helping a challenging child with lagging skills. This approach makes the child a fully-invested participant, solutions are more durable, and (over time), the child - and often the adult - learn the skills they were lacking all along.

A quick note now on when the best time to start this process would be. It's not in the middle of a heated moment, which would be reactive intervention. Plan C might be a better approach in those moments. Instead, Plan B is most effective when it's done proactively, or when things are calm.

There are three basic steps in the Plan B process, with the first being the Empathy step. The goal is to gather as much information as you can to get the clearest possible understanding of the kid's concern or perspective on a given unsolved problem. Ask the child what they're being bugged about or getting in trouble for - those are the unsolved problems! Stay neutral, but get specific - when, where, with whom, etc.

Now kids aren't always going to open up, and Dr. Greene has some suggestions for drilling for information. I won't get into the details here, but he has some terrific "How To" videos on his site. You can see those here. He also has a Plan B Cheat Sheet worth checking out too.

So once the information is gathered, it's time for the next step - Define the Problem. The goal of this step is to ensure the adult's concern or perspective is entered into consideration. The definition of the problem at this stage is - two concerns that have yet to be reconciled. This is tough because as adults, we usually want to skip this part and go straight to solutions. Kids tend to do the same thing, triggering what's called dueling solutions - also known as a power struggle. You can't start thinking about solutions until the concerns of both parties are clarified.

The third and final step is The Invitation Step. The goal here is to brainstorm solutions that will address the concerns of both parties. It's called the invitation step because the adult is inviting the child to solve the problem together. You want to address the concerns of both parties, and offer the child an opportunity to propose solutions. Remember, you're not a genius - you don't know how the problem will be solved.

Solutions should be realistic and mutally satisfactory. It will take time, and it's hard! Don't forget, the aim isn't to determine what happens in the heat of the moment, but solve the problem so the heat of the moment doesn't occur at all.

So that's it! There is a lot more detail available in Dr. Green's books or his website, and if this feels like something you'd like to try, I'd encourage you do check it out. But you will need bravery, persistence and continuity. As Dr. Greene says, you'll need practice, and the process is incremental.

Good luck!

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

So what skills should we be focusing on?

So we've figured out that lagging skills are behind challenging behaviours, and they emerge when the demands in the environment outstrip the skills a child has (aka, The Unsolved Problem). We can't move on to coming up with solutions until we figure out what skills might need support. How to do that? Dr. Greene has a solution. Read on for more info.

Rhonda

To help us figure out what lagging skills we might be dealing with, Dr. Greene has developed a one-page assessment tool he swears we can all use - the ALSUP, or Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems. It's a list of lagging skills and unsolved problems. Where do you get your hands on one? Right here. Dr. Green has made this tool and several others available on his website www.livesinthebalance.com. I would definitely encourage you to go to the site and explore - after you're finished reading this blog, of course!

So why fill out the ALSUP? It's to engage us (the adults) in a conversation, and helps us focus on the things we can actually do something about. Dr. Greene suggests that the goal is to have a meaningful discussion about the degree to which each lagging skill applies to a particular child. If you identify a lagging skill, the next step is to identify examples of when you're seeing it (the unsolved problems, which are conditions in which behaviours are occuring) and the degree to which it's occuring.

Once that conversation has taken place, you can then move on to finding new ways to handling unsolved problems. Dr. Greene identifies three options - Plan A, Plan B and Plan C.

I'll start with Plan A. This is the imposition of adult will, and you're doing it if you're saying "No," or "You can't" or if you're insisting tasks are completed, or you're taking away things like TV time until something is done. This is pretty common, and won't generally set the stage for challenging behaviour in an ordinary kid. However, Plan A is not the preferred approach for challenging kids, despite the name. In fact, it's more likely to cause an explosion. Why is that? Because as Dr. Greene points out, challenging kids don't have a Plan A brain. If the child doesn't have the skills to handle Plan A, you've placed a cognitive demand on him that outstrips his capacity to respond appropriately. Plan A doesn't usually help to get the homework or other tasks done, and isn't helping the child to be more flexible, tolerate frustration more adaptively or solve problems more effectively. It just sets the stage for more explosions. The common sense solution - if Plan A isn't working, stop using it.

I'm going to skip Plan B for a moment and go straight to Plan C. That's when you drop expectations completely, at least temporarily. This isn't the same as giving in. That's when you start with Plan A and throw your hands up in frustration. With Plan C, you're intentionally and proactively decided to drop a given expectation, either because it's unrealiztic or you have other higher-priority expectations to pursue. This can be really hard, but if you're not dealing with the explosions, you can start working on development of other skills. Which leads us to...

Plan B! This is the plan Dr. Greene refers to Collaborative Problem Solving. It's fairly detailed, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to make you wait one more day for more info!

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

Don't blame the parents - or the kids!

There was a time when challenging behaviour in children was linked to poor parenting. There was a belief that behaviours due to passive, permissive, inconsistent or non-contingent parenting (no consequences). In other words, because of poor parenting, kids learned that challenging behaviour is an effective means of getting something, or escaping or avoiding something. But now that we know that challenging behaviours happen when the cognitive demands being placed on the child outstrip his/her capacity to respond adaptively, we know that our parenting isn't to blame. Finally, one less thing to feel guilty about!

So now that we know why, what should we do about it? Here's a little bit more context and Dr. Ross Greene's solution - Collaborative Problem Solving.

RhondaSo we've figured out that lagging cognitive skills are the root of challenging behaviours, and challenging behaviours emerge when the lack of skills clashes with the demands of the environment. If the skills are there - no behaviour. If the skills aren't there, but there's no demand either - no behaviour. No skills and demand - challenging behaviour. That's pretty straightforward. But how do we fix it? That's the question that had me squirming in my seat at last week's presentation by Dr. Greene.

But he had a bit more information to share first. (And yes, it's another mantra!) Incompatibility episodes cannot be viewed outside the context of development. The goal of intervention is to move development forward. Cognitive skills don't develop equally - we have neuroscience to prove it - but they can be developed with intervention. But we have to start where the child is now to get to the endpoint. (In other words, it's not the child's fault their brain developed differently!)

OK, we're almost ready for the how, but not quite yet. Let's answer the last question - the one I mentioned wasn't as important as the rest - What do challenging kids do when they're challenging? Basically, there are a variety of challenging behaviours when the clash of forces occurs, distinguished primarly by their severity. That could be anything from whining and sulking to head banging, cutting, or suicide - and everything in between. All the things humans do in response to unsolved problems. Dr. Greene calls those behaviours The Spectrum of Looking Bad. We all look bad when our skills are outstripped by the demand placed upon us, it's just a matter of degree. Don't forget - the behaviour itself is less important than the reasons for the behaviour.

OK, so the how. I can't explain it all today (yep, you guessed it, another blog posting is coming your way!). Dr. Greene calls his approach to helping challenging kids collaborative problem solving. Sounds straightforward - working together to solve problems. But it's a little more detailed than that, and relies on the adults to take a proactive approach rather than a reactive approach. Details tomorrow, but here are the general goals of the approach:

Lenses come first
- make sure that caregivers understand why incompatibility episodes occur (lagging skills and demand for those skills).

Get organized
- identify the specific situations in which incompatibility episodes occur (unsolved problems)
- create mechanisms for communication, continuity and proactive intervention.

Get busy
- solve problems and teach skills,

Tomorrow, a bit more info on assessing lagging skills and unsolved problems.

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

The clash of two forces - Or when challenging kids are challenging

So are you starting to get the feeling that I really like Dr. Green and his philosophies? It's common sense, but often hard for us to see when a child is melting down in front of us. A little understanding definitely goes a long way, so I'll be sharing Dr. Greene's wisdom for at least a few more days.

Rhonda

So have you noticed that challenging kids aren't always challenging? They can work and cope in certain situations, but others will set off the negative behaviours. Why is that?

The answer, according to Dr. Greene, is "The Clash of Two Forces." Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? It's not really, just a bit of common sense:

Challenging episodes occur when the cognitive demands being placed upon a person outstrip the person's capacity to respond adaptively.

That's it. I'm sure we've all had moments when the circumstances we're in lead us to think, "I can't handle this." We're recognizing that we may not have the skills to do what we need to do.

Dr. Greene calls the "when" of challenging behaviour The Unsolved Problem. He defines unsolved problems as, the specific conditions in which the demands being placed upon a person exceed the person's capacity to respond adaptively. I'm not going to swim across the Halifax Harbour because I don't have the swimming skills and stamina to do it. Why should we expect a child with no emotional regulation skills to keep it together when they're feeling disappointed?

That leads us to another mantra - Behind every compatibility episode is a lagging skill and a demand for that skill (an unsolved problem).

When we're presented with an unsolved problem, we solve it. It's no different for challenging behaviours. That's the third question Dr. Greene presents (remember the list I shared a few days ago?) - What are we going to do differently now that we know why challenging kids are challenging? We'll get to that answer over the next few days.

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

Kids do well if they can

The mantra - kids do well if they can - is one that I have been repeating to myself over the last several weeks. The idea that even challening kids have this innate desire to do well, rather falling into behaviours because they don't want to do well, is so refreshing. But what is getting in the way? Again, some advice from Dr. Greene...

Rhonda

Why are challenging kids challenging? You could look to a clinical diagnosis for the explanation - oppositional definance disorder, ADHD, bipolar, etc. - but it doesn't really answer the question. If we start with Dr. Greene's statement - kids do well if they can - it can help us look at a challenging child a different way.

The first step in the process is to stop focusing on the diagnosis and start focusing on the skills the child is lacking. Maybe they are impulsive, have difficulty considering the impact of their actions, or struggle with planning and problem solving. Maybe the behaviour is not because they don't have the motivation, but because they don't have the skills to deal with certain situations.

Imagine if you were trying to succeed at work but didn't have the skills to do what you needed to do. Would you be on time for work every day if you had no sense of time? Could you take on that big project if you didn't have problem solving or planning skills? How would you feel if you tried, over and over again, to get job tasks like these like this done, but kept failing - and getting in trouble for it?

Before we can get to the bottom of what is making any child so challenging, Dr. Greene suggests we must answer the following questions:

• Why are challenging kids so challenging?
• When are challenging kids challenging?
• What are we going to do differently now that we know why challenging kids are challenging?

And less important,

• What do challenging kids do when they're challenging?

Doing well is always preferable to not doing well - another mantra from Dr. Greene. So let's start with why some kids are so challenging. What's getting in the way? Here's Dr. Green's unconventional answer:

Challenging kids are challenging because they're lacking the skills not to be challenging...they are delayed in the development of crucial cognitive skills - often including flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving. Challenging behaviour communicates that the kid doesn't have the skills to respond to problems more adaptively.

So you can see why discipline and punishment doesn't work - it's not addressing the root of the problem. In fact, it's probably making it worse.

How can we help? We don't know that until we can get through the rest of the questions Dr. Greene has laid out. Tomorrow's blog - when are challenging kids challenging?

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

Dealing with Challenging kids - Thank you Dr. Greene

For the next few days, we'll be featuring a guest blog by Rhonda Brown, Director of Communications at our sister organization, Bridgeway Academy.  She attended a full-day presentation last month in Halifax by Dr. Ross Green, child psychologist and author of "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School."  She'll share her thoughts on what she learned here in the blog.  You can also read about his philosophies on his website - www.livesinthebalance.org.

Enjoy!

By Rhonda Brown

I have always believed that kids who misbehave, disengage, drop out, or otherwise resist being successful in school are dealing with something more than a lack of interest, laziness or a failure to try. They actually lack the skills they need to be successful.  It's a philosophy that Bridgeway shares, and that's why we focus on skill development (academic, social and behavioural) with our students.  Dr. Greene shares this point of view - and has the neuroscience to back it up!

But don't take it from me. I'll have Dr. Greene explain in his own words, which are from the very first paragraph of his book, "Lost at School".

The wasted human potential is tragic. In so many schools, kids with social, emotional, and behavioural challenges are still poorly understood and treated in a way that is completely at odds with what is now known about how they came to be challenging in the first place. The frustration and desperation felt by teachers and parents is palpable. Many teachers continue to experience enormous stress related to classroom behaviour problems and from dealing with parents, and do not receive the support they need to help their challenging students. Half of teachers leave the profession within their first four years, and kids with behavioural challenges and their parents are cited as one of the major reasons. Parents know there's trouble at school, know they're being blamed, feel their kids are misunderstood and mistreated, but feel powerless to make things better and are discouraged and put off by their interactions with school personnel.

Dr. Greene goes on to talk about how our school discipline models are broken, and getting tougher with kids isn't working. He cites some amazing statistics - zero tolerance polices designed to make schools safer or offer a more effective way of dealing with behaviour have actually increased behaviour and dropout rates. But schools continue to hand out expulsions and suspensions - 110,000 and 3 million respectively each year in the US.

But what Dr. Greene made clear is that it doesn't have to be this way. Here again are his words:

"I interact with hundreds of challenging kids every year. These kids would like nothing better than to be able to handle the social, emotional, and behavioural challenges being placed on them at school and in life, but they can't seem to pull it off. Many have been getting into trouble for so long that they've lost faith that any adult will ever know how to help them.

Dr. Greene gave us a few key mantras during his presentation on Thursday. Here's the first: Kids do well if they can. It's up to us as adults to figure out why so we can help.

Tomorrow, I'll share some of Dr. Greene's advice on what each of us dealing with a challenging child needs to figure out before we can help.

If you would like more information on skills programs at Bridgeway and Turning Tides Community Outreach please visit our websites or contact us. You can reach Bridgeway at 902-465-4800 and Turning Tides at 904-404-TIDE (8433). You can also email Rebecca at rebecca@turningtides.ca.  

Should my child have a tutor?

By Angela Rudderham, Director of Turning Tides Community Outreach

Every parent wants their child to succeed in school and have a future full of opportunities and possibilities. We send them to school each day with all their supplies and a balanced lunch and trust that our educators will work to develop our child’s true potential and foster in them a desire to learn. 

Unfortunately, not every child’s true potential is unlocked from simply attending school. 

In fact, 15-year-olds in Nova Scotia scored statistically lower than the Canadian average according to Statistics Canada Labour Force Survey 2006.  Math scores in Nova Scotia were some of the country’s lowest as found in Measuring up: Canadian Results of the OECD PISA Study Ottawa, Statistics Canada, 2007.  Literacy was the lowest in the country and the dropout rate was 8.6% says Statistics Canada Labour Force Survey 2010.  Only 28% of students from Nova Scotia will go on to university and 8% will go on to a college or trade education (Labour force survey 2006). 

All of this evidence tells us our children will most likely need other supports to ensure their success.  The question is, when is additional support necessary?

You may want to consider tutoring if:

Your child still needs help mastering basic skills.  Teachers will move forward whether your child has mastered the skill or not. If basic skills are not mastered than the student will struggle when relying on them to solve more complex problems. These skills need to be re- taught until mastered.

Your child struggles with organization, working independently or lacks study skills. Often the brightest students who learn quickly may lack organizational skills or become overwhelmed when faced with a testing situation. Anyone can benefit from learning how to organize notes, break down large assignments, meet due dates or discover how they best take in information.

Your child has a learning disability.  This will interfere with the learning process in areas such as the intake, storage, processing, retrieval and/or output of information. A tutoring service that has extensive experience and training in helping students with learning disabilities should be able to show the student how they learn best and provide strategies for independent success.

Your child is struggling with big life changes.  A move, divorce, new school, family issues can all contribute to your child being distracted from their school work. Working closely with a tutor will ensure a smoother transition.

Your child struggles with behavioral, social or emotional needs.  Often these needs can contribute to missed instruction time. A tutor with experience working with students who have had similar needs will often have a large tool box of strategies to draw from to keep your child engaged and on track.

Your child has missed a lot of school due to medical or other reasons. A tutor can go back and teach what was missed and help the student gain back the confidence that they may have lost. They can also work around the student’s schedule.

You want to give your child the competitive edge to get ahead.  There is always room for improvement. Striving to do our personal best is an excellent habit to develop at any age.

Your child needs homework support.  Parents, homework and the student can sometimes be an unpleasant combination to say the least. In most homes both parents are working or have other major responsibilities and there just isn’t time to give your child the homework support they need without it taking on a rushed or negative tone. Let someone else be the “bad “guy and save your parent/ child time for the important stuff like hugs and kisses.

The right tutoring service will be able to match your child’s needs with the right program. They should understand the importance of rappot building between the student and the tutor. The tutor should be willing to work with your child’s teacher, provide regular updates and reports and improvements should be noticed after a few months. Be wary of services that will not let you observe or listen in on sessions at least once or have no way to measure the acquisition of new skills.

There is little doubt that anyone can benefit from tutoring.  Do your homework and shop around.  Ask questions and compare services and prices until you find the right fit.

Angela is a behaviour and social skills specialist who has developed programs for students, as well as support workshops for parents, teachers and other professionals.  Turning Tides Community Outreach offers tutoring services to meet the academic, social, behavioural and organizatonal needs of any child.  For more information or advice, please give Angela a call at 902-404-TIDE (8433).

ADHD and behaviour

If you have ever parented a child with ADHD, you know that discipline can be a challenge. Here are some great tips on dealing with behaviour at home.


Rhonda
 

Does your struggle with ADHD behavior look something like this?

You’ve told your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) to pick up his dirty clothes from the bedroom floor. Not a single sock has been deposited in the hamper. Did he not hear you — or did he ignore your discipline?

Annoyed, you shout and, worse, feel yourself getting angry and nearing a power struggle. Then come the threats -- no TV for a week, no friends visiting for a month, and whatever else you can think of in your fury. The incident costs everyone dearly: Your child feels angry and demoralized, and you feel like anything but a loving parent. And for what? A pile of clothes in need of a washing machine.

Later that evening, during a quiet moment at the kitchen table, you think back to what happened -- and what has been happening for months now. You wish you had used more effective communication and question whether you love your child any more, whether you’re a fit parent. Don’t worry: You do and you are.

You’re feeling the emotional turmoil and stinging regret every parent experiences when trying to love and discipline your child. Here are some strategies that will help you feel less like an ogre and more like a mom the next time your child needs some “enlightenment”:

Read more on the ADDitude Magazine site - http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2519.html

Understanding the behaviour of students with a learning disability

Educators and parents want to help students reach their full potential.  It has been my experience that one of the biggest challenges in working with some students who have a learning disability is trying to figure why they behave the way they do. 

It still surprises some people to hear that intelligence is not affected by a learning disability.  In fact, in order to be diagnosed with a learning disability, one must have an average or above average IQ.   This can add to the puzzlement of adults working with these students.  The key to understanding their behaviour is to distinguish between a performance deficit and a skill deficit.

A skill deficit is when someone has not learned how to perform a task. It’s not that they don’t want to please their parents, teachers and peers, it’s simply that they don’t know how to perform what they’re being asked to do.

Here’s an example of a skill deficit.  An eleven-year-old student I worked with used vocabulary that would leave his teachers scrambling for a dictionary. He also could recall anything that was said to him in any of his classes from any point in the year. The impression he left on those he met was that he had a superior intelligence and was very capable.  The problem?  The student could never get to English class on time. When he would enter his teacher would ask him, “Do you know what time it is?” The student would shrug and reply, “I don’t care”.  The student would be sent to the office and disciplined for being disrespectful. The very next day this student would be late again with no explanation. His teacher thought him unmotivated and disrespectful, and his parents took away privileges along with numerous other consequences. Nothing worked. 

As it turned out the English class was directly after lunch. When he re-entered the school, the student had to locate his locker and find the class that was in a section of the building he was not familiar with.  We soon discovered that he was unable to perform this task because he had a non-verbal learning disability. This disability can affect one’s sense of direction and their ability to find their way around.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be on time, he didn’t know how to be on time.  And when someone doesn’t know how to do something, no reward or punishment will magically teach them.  We call this a skill deficit rather than a performance deficit.

A performance deficit is when the student knows what is expected and has learned how to perform the expected behaviour but chooses not to. There are at least two possible explanations for this. One may be the student is experiencing a lack of motivation or payoff for performing the desired behaviour. All that may be required to correct the behaviour is to teach the benefits to the student for performing the behaviour and positively reinforcing the behaviour.  The reinforcement can be as simple as noticing when the student does what is expected.

Another reason for performance deficits may be the student may not be able to tell when to use the skill that they know how to perform.  One example I can think of is a grade 4 student who had difficulty using an indoor voice.  We discussed that when she was outside, it was appropriate to be loud; however, if she was inside she had to use a quiet voice. She worked very hard on this goal until her volume in class was no longer an issue.

Later that year, I found out her basketball coach had benched her because she had stopped communicating to her team mates on the floor. No one could hear her because she was lowering her voice; her games were inside. It was not that the student could not adjust her voice properly she had trouble understanding when and where to perform the appropriate skill.

We know that learning disabilities come with all kinds of deficits and can make the simplest tasks such telling the time, keeping track of belongings or even refraining from interrupting seem impossible even to super-intelligent students. It’s confusing to parents to know that their son/daughter could win first place in the science fair, yet not understand that it’s rude to grab an object out of someone’s hands.

When the majority of the student population experience a skill deficit, it’s usually due to not being exposed to the skill, or not having an opportunity to learn the skill. For a student with a learning disability, a behavioural or social skill deficit is not acquired even after correct modeling and opportunities to learn - direct instructing is needed. No amount of scolding or punishing will miraculously give the student the knowledge they need to understand the skill.

Walker, Colvin, and Ramsey (1995) recommended a nine step process for teaching skills to children with learning disabilities. The steps include:

1.      Definition of the skill with guided discussion of examples,

2.      Modeling or video presentation of the skill being correctly applied,

3.      Modeling or video presentation of incorrect application (non example),

4.      Review,

5.      Modeling or video presentation of a second example with debriefing,

6.      Modeling a range of examples, coupled with hypothetical practice situations,

7.      Modeling or video presentation of another positive example if needed,

8.      Role playing, and

9.      Informal commitment from student to try the skill in a natural setting.

So next time your child or student is not performing the expected behaviour, stop and do some detective work before reacting.  Ask yourself three questions:

1.      Have you even seen the student perform the skill in this setting before?

2.      Do you know enough about how the student’s learning disability affects this particular skill?

3.      Does the child perform the skill only after being offered a big reward?

If you answer no to these questions then stop scolding and start teaching.

If you're interested in finding out about our upcoming workshops on behaviour or need additional support getting a handle on behavioural challenges you're facing, please call Angela at 902-404-TIDE (8433)